I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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