Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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