so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
