hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
