my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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