This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
