I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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