if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize