Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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