i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
