someone threw a dead crab at me
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
