you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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