did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
