YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
