Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
