Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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