I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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