but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
