I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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