Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
