my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
