who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
