Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
