I am in a vortex of obligation.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize