I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
