are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
