when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
