pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
