You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
