So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
