Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
