There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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