The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
