explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
