Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
