She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
