marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
not ubering you a puppy
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
