This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
