I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
