mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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