Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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