The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize