woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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