White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Pants are for mortals
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
