wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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