My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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