Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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