At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
