I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
