Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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