wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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