How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
