Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
