Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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