My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
we should paint friendship bongs
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
