Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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