You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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