dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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