we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
