one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
