If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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