The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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