I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
