WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize