I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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