I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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