Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
