I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
