Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
