that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize