After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
