If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
