i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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