Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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