Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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