So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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