i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
