i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you traded sex for a burrito?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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