my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
