my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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