Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My feet surprised me
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