Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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