3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My first STD was from a foam party
Quick, to the slutcave!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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