I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
