yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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