Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
