So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
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