One girl and one boy is just not enough.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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