dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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