i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
