I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
