you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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