Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it glows. i had to have it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
