I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
