"it" just moved
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The adults are the big ones right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize