Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
