nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
