How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize