he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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