just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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