I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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